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STOP OVER COMPLICATING THINGS...

business life marriage mindset Jan 19, 2019

The choice is yours...

I need you to know this one very important thing:  Although we as women are the queens of overcomplicating things, the reality is that we have the choice to keep it simple or allow ourselves to slip into the habit of creating a mountain out of a mole hill.

Either you want something bad enough to go for it, or you don't. 

Either you choose to do the actions needed, or you choose not to. 

The choice is yours.

Let's explore this a little deeper... 

As a certified life, health, and business coach I speak with women every day who have really big goals.  

When you have really big goals. But we often get to the point where overwhelm creeps in and we start toying with the idea of quitting it all together, or have the mindset that "I will start again later, when it is easier, when I am caught up, etc…" we can quite logically come up with every excuse in the book.

No judgement, I have been there - and still have the tendency to be that person.

But, I take notice of it happening IMMEDIATELY and I stop overcomplicating it!  

If you have big goals and dreams on your heart, then it is your job - your duty - to pursue them!

You may not realize it, but you have more power within you than you can even imagine right now.

So you need to use your power to pursue your desires, not restrain them.

Do you know how much power it takes to over complicate things and to choose to ignore that thing that weighs so longingly heavy on your heart every single day?  It takes so much more effort than if you just decided to go do it!

So, it all comes down to you having over complicated it and it now seems that it an insurmountable task or idea - that this goal or dream of yours is just too hard for you to follow through on.

In that mindset - it IS too hard!

You have to come to the place where recognize that you are doing it to yourself.

So often I get asked, how do I (Jessie) stay so motivated and positive?

The truth is, I am not always!  I am probably way worse off than you even realize just because I can only show so much on social media. The difference is though, I choose not to stay there. I choose to take action even when I am not motivated, and I choose to keep pursuing my goals - No. Matter. What.

Reality check - The act of not making a choice is still making a choice

I choose in those tough moments to recognize that I am making an excuse and I stop.  Or I choose to recognize that this whole self doubt crap that I am dishing myself is B.S.
and I stop.

Whether we intentionally choose to take the actions needed, or passively choose to remain in our comfort zone, we are making a choice. 

Everything we do or don't do is a habit, or a routine, or a rhythm… This means that we get used to making the choices that don’t serve us and our goals.

Let me use the health and fitness goal as an example just because it's one we can all relate to easily. 

We are half way through January right now...  If you set health and fitness goals on January 1, chances are that you were over it about a week ago, right?  You may still be pursuing the goals you set, of which I commend you for, but chances are you are getting tired of waking up early, working out, eating healthy...

That’s because you have the habit, routine, and rhythm (built over years) of sleeping in or choosing to watch tv instead of working out, and meeting friends over lunch instead of going for a walk.

You have to catch yourself slipping into old patterns.

You have to realize right then and there, that you are over complicating things. You have to decide to make a change.  

You may not have any clue how you are going to ultimately lose the weight, but that’s ok! If you just decide to catch yourself in those choices and recognize that they are not serving your goal - THAT is where the magic happens!!!

Because when you decide to call yourself out and just take an action that will serve your goal, you are starting to build a new rhythm - and you need to do that.

Every. Single. Day.  The little daily actions will lead to your end goal even if you can't see it now. 

Also, try focusing on the benefits and rewards of doing the thing you want to do rather than you want to fix a problem. 

With that same health and fitness example....

Eating better and exercising has great benefits like it gives you more energy, improves your mood, reduces anxiety, improves your overall physical health, and even leads to better sex! - YUP! I went there! 

Instead of focusing on the fact that you don’t want to work out and how hard it is to fix this problem, instead focus on the desired outcomes, the benefits, and the future rewards.

That's what I do...

I do not have the motivation to get up at 4:30 am every day and go work out, but I CHOOSE to recognize that if I make the choice to sleep in then I am not going to meet my goal.  So instead, I focus on how exercise helps me feel better in so many way and I just decide to get up, put on my shoes, and get moving!

When I first started building my online side-hustle business, I showed up here and there, very inconsistently.  I only showed up on the days when it was convenient, when I felt motivated, inspired or brave enough to be vulnerable and share my passion for it.

Showing up when you feel like it does NOT get you healthy or build a business - Does NOT help you achieve whatever goal you have.

Be obsessed about living your best dang life!

I have been told that I am obsessed with success...

I actually am not! What I am obsessed with is being happier, healthier, a better wife, a better mother, having more freedom and a better life, and then further more, helping other women do the same.

Yes, I am completely and utterly obsessed with living MY BEST LIFE because it makes me feel good!

I know that I am not a nice person when I choose to be stuck, when I am 20lbs overweight, when I am not working on my marriage and am fighting with my husband, when I am not helping others and when I am not moving forward.

So yes, I am obsessed with living a better life and you should be too!!!!

Slapping the "ordinary" or "average" bandaid on yourself just because you aren't willing to go all-in and not accept your happiness or lack of is a direct result of your action.

We complicate things when we make excuses, when we ignore problems, and when we tell someone it’s ok that they made a bad decision especially if we do it repeatedly.

Do you know why we do that?

Because that makes us feel better when we make a bad decision.  It allows us to be comfortable choosing ordinary over extraordinary. 

Here's a reality check for you...

As a coach, I sometimes get push back from a client who asks “why are you being so hard on me?”

My answer is simple… "That is what you hired me for!  It is not my job to pat you on the back for doing the same things that haven’t served you before. You hired me because you knew that what got you here isn’t going to get you where you want to go!"

If you work with me, it is my job to call you out on your excuses, to tell you the things you don’t want to hear, show you the things you don’t want to see and encourage you to stand in your power and take control so that you can become the person you were destined to be!

YES!!!!  

If you aren’t ready or looking for a coach just yet, that’s ok! No matter what that thing you have on your heart to pursue, I have 2 really great and simple strategies that will help you achieve the success you desire.

It's all about breaking the habits that cause you to overcomplicate things....

#1 -  The most simple way to do this is by creating a trigger.

Right now, you already have triggers all through you life that you may not even realize. 

For example - anytime that something goes wrong, you have a trigger that will cue up a habit and cause you to react in a certain way.  You might get frustrated, mad or question "why do things like this always happen to me???"

Another example:

When you get home, you’re tired, and you choose to put your comfy pants on.  That signals to your brain that you are going to relax, not workout or work on your business.

Or perhaps you are a smoker and when you walk outside at break, you see that as a trigger to have a smoke.  It is more than an addiction - it is a habit!

I know it may sound weird to say that it was more than an addiction, but the truth is that a habit is just as powerful as an addiction - and that is what I want you to recognize!

Girl, I could go on and on with examples, but you get the point.  Something happens and it causes you to do something that is engrained in you and then that action becomes a habit that is as strong as an addiction. 

So - it's time to rewire your triggers

Maybe for your health and fitness goals, you are struggling right now because your day is really busy and you don’t want to get up earlier or stay later.  

Fair enough, but let's think out of the box for a moment with these three ideas:

Try to create a new trigger where any time you go to sit down at your desk, you first do 5 squats or lunges.

If possible, during a meeting you can do squats or wall-sits. - Yes I actually do this and it is a well known fact that during all our meetings at the physical therapy clinic that everyone else will likely sit around the desk or table while I am doing squats and wall-sits! 

When I am feeding the baby at the dinner table or waiting for the water to boil while making supper I am always doing small movements and exercises to make the most out of this "down" time.

All of these are opportunities to squeeze in 5 minutes of simple exercises

A little tough love: Don’t tell me that you don’t have time in the day where you are on your phone, watching tv, standing doing dishes… set a new trigger to use that time more wisely and you will be amazed at the opportunities that you can find!

Another example of how I utilize triggers:

When I was really trying to live in a more positive space in my life, which has now become a daily practice, I was just living in a place where all I could see was the negativity.  

All I could see was the problems instead of what could potentially be something to learn and grow from, or the opportunity within the problems. - I needed a strategy to get out of these habits.  That strategy was to create new triggers.

I started by telling myself I had to sit in a space of gratitude for 5 minutes.  

I had to set a timer because at first that 5 minutes felt like a freaking hour. And my mind would wander. But mew trigger was, every time I got into the car I had to list out all the things that I was grateful for, and then finish the day with a 5 minute gratitude meditation again.

Even now, these triggers are something I experience daily, but it has become so second nature that I don’t even think about it, I just do it.

Avoid counter-productive triggers:  If you know that coming home and getting into comfy pants is going to signal that you are relaxing, try instead to put on workout clothes or shorts.

Here's a fun one some "real life" for ya....

Let's talk about triggers in marriage!

A while back I hit a place where, honestly, my marriage had grown a little stale.

We were busy, we were tired, we have 3 businesses, 4 kids and life was just crazy!  I'm sure you might know it well too.

When things get challenging, the first thing that we usually let go is ourselves, and the second is our mate because all those other things need us and we know that no matter what, when the crazy dies down - we would be there for each other. Or at least that's what we believe at the time. 

But then all of a sudden (in my case) we realized that we weren’t making time for each other, we weren’t making time to talk, to share, time for the bedroom… and this lead to us beginning to disconnect from each other.  

We allowed this to become a habit.... allowed ourselves to just accept the fact that we would just be passing ships for these crazy years. - and that’s crap. We had to be intentional about making the choices that lead to our best lives.

Lives that we desire, we have to pursue!

We decided to make the rule that we couldn’t get out of bed every morning without acknowledging each other, say good morning, and stealing a kiss or a little hug.  

We also made a rule that we had to hug each time we were about to leave or when we came home. A real hug where we embraced and felt thankful for one another. 

And more real life...

We decided that Wednesdays were going to be "Whoopie Wednesdays".  

Guys - it makes me laugh just to write that. But it's TRUE.  If we didn’t schedule it, it wouldn’t happen. I was staying up late, he was getting up early it just felt like to much work to be intimate.

So Wednesdays became our new trigger.  

We didn’t do this to punish ourselves, we did it to reward ourselves.  And this new trigger helped us get our priorities straight again and reconnect on a deep level.  

Triggers can apply to marriage, life, health, business and more!

I have huge laundry lists of things I need to do every day, (business, house, kids, etc.)

With my old system, I would work through it and check off as many things as I could quickly get through, but at the end of the day I would feel unaccomplished because although I checked things off, they weren’t the most impactful.

So, I set a new trigger.  

Everyday as soon as I sit down in my office, I don’t get to do the quick and easy tasks.  I have to do the top 3 needle moving activities, that likely will take me over an hour, but they will be IMPACTFUL and truly move things forward.  This in my business meant make MONEY!!! And we all know that money isn't the only answer but it does help so many things. (wink-wink)

From there I learned that triggers were even more effective if they were paired with an effective reward system - which leads me into my second step for you today:

Step #2 - Create a new reward system - a 'LOSS' system.

So often people set up rewards or incentives for achieving their goals…

For instance: "if I lose 20lbs in the next 90 days, I will reward myself by…" BUT then when the 90 days is past and you have "only" lost 5lbs, you are still tempted to reward yourself for what progress you did make, even though you didn't reach your goal.

You settle.  

We live in a society that has been taught two dangerous behaviors:

  1. Being comfortable with settling
  2. Wanting instant gratification - if you want something (a reward) I am sure you can be ingenious in rationalizing why you should get it. 

Creating a more effective reward system

This is the upside down reward system, one that you will be afraid to have to act on.

Let me explain:

I once heard on a podcast a man that would tape a $1 bill to his mirror every single morning.  The deal was that he had to take specific actions every day that would move him closer to achieving the goals that he desired.

At the end of the day, he would come home and evaluate his actions for the day.  

If he felt that he had taken action to pursue his goals, he left the dollar bill there.  If he didn’t take the necessary actions, then he had to TEAR UP the $1.

Fear of loss is POWERFUL y’all!! 

I thought this was such a genius idea! And if money is not a motivator for you then I encourage you to pick your own upside down reward.

For instance, I had a client once who felt like her obsession with drinking several glasses of wine a night was de-railing her journey to overall wellness.  She was on a health and fitness journey, a business journey, and she felt the wine was a distraction.

So, we decided that she would limit herself to one glass of wine at the end of the week and institute the MAGIC "loss" reward system...

Come the end of the week, she had to reflect back on her weekly actions and whether or not they moved her towards her goal.  Had she ate well, exercised, and performed 3 needle moving activities in her business every day?

If not, she not only couldn’t have her one permitted glass of wine - she had to open the bottle and dump the entire thing down the drain!

Needless to say, she resisted the idea but I insisted she stick by this plan - and GUYS! In just 90 days she lost 20lbs and doubled her revenue! 

The ripple effects of this spilled over and up-leveled her life in so many other ways. Her relationship with her husband felt more connected, friends joined her network marketing company after seeing her results, and she was much more able to be present with, and enjoy, her children because she was not focused on all the things not going well.

Guys!  The act of not over complicating things and just taking action has the potential to elevate your life even more than you can ever imagine!

Personal growth - one step at a time:

My personal growth journey started back in 2015 simply as an effort to get a little bit healthier… then lift my marriage up... then to feel more better and more confident as who I was as a career woman... Then... (you get the idea)

By taking intentional action every single day I have been able to achieve so much success. But, I don’t say that to toot my own horn...

I want you to realize that despite what you may see on social media of me now, there is nothing fancy about me.

I am a typical girl-next door from a small New York town. Who had big dreams and decided not to over complicate things but instead go all-in on pursuing growth a little bit each and every day - and if I can do it, you can too!

So if anything I shared today positively resonated with you, then I encourage you to please share this with your friends on social! Tag me @jessieharrisbouton - I am most active on IG and would love it if you reached out to chat via DM!

Take your learning one step further and download the accompanying workbook for today's blog post.  Get it right here! 

Now girl, let's RUSH!

P.S. If you are a motivated female entrepreneur that wants to create more meaning, money, freedom and growth in your life and business, then join me here in my FREE Facebook Group - The Millionaire Mompreneur Sisterhood

P.P.S. If you are a chasing little munchkins around, you can enjoy great content just like this post in AUDIO format by listening to the R.U.S.H. Podcast HERE 
(search for Ep 019 to listen to the episode that corresponds with this article!)

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